My Grandma has been home from Pittsburgh and at home with hospice care for three weeks now. Just a month ago, I was sure she'd never come home from Pittsburgh. I'd made sure I had adequate clothes for a funeral. I was preparing myself for life to go on without her. Little did I know, God is just not quite ready for Grandma to come home yet.
Three weeks. Juggling schedules with nurses and aides, and keeping my Dad's farm running, all lead to a stressful life for a mom with three children. For the first time in almost 12 years, I wish I lived closer to my parents' farm. I spend an hour in the car every day traveling to and from their house. The responses I get from people are varied. Some act as though this is a burden for me to take on. Others see it as a blessing. Yet others seem to scratch their heads in disbelief that we would want to have her at home and do all of this.
Let me set the record straight. I do spend a hour in my car almost every day. I drive over there 5 or 6 days per week. Most days, Eliza and Eric help Aunt Renee with the farm, while I take care of Grandma. Some days my mom watches Easton while I look after Grandma. Other days, I take care of Easton and Grandma, which is a challenge, but how I love to watch her light up when he is there with her. My heart swells when I hear that on Sunday morning when she woke up to Dad there with her, the first question on her lips was "Where are the girls (me and Renee)?" She has her good days and her bad days. Truth is - her body is dying. The other truth is. . .she doesn't see it that way. Grandma is living. She is living for the moments. The moments we hold her hand. The moments to watch the baby play peek-a-boo around her bed. The moments of Dad going down the road in front of her house with the tractor, never forgetting to wave big for her to see. These are the moments in the twilight of her life that she treasures.
I have set aside just about everything in my life for these moments this summer. It is not a burden, it's a blessing. God blessed me with a Grandmother who loved us kids so much that she never left the barn at night without telling us goodnight and that she loved us. She never drove down to her house after the barn work was done without blowing her horn in car as she drove past our house. She never missed a birthday. She never missed Christmas morning presents being opened. She never missed filling an Easter basket with goodies. Her life was about family and relationships. Our family certainly has its fair share of disputes and hard feelings, but no matter what the fight or issue, she loved us all. She knows that we are there for her - just like she was always there for us.
There is something about watching someone close to dying, that makes you really think about living. It's making me examine my life and ask questions about why I do the things I do. It makes me hunger for the wisdom and love of God. It makes me want to do what matters. The more I look at things through this lens, the more I see how there are just a handful of things that really matter; the rest are just fluff. I see in my Grandma's life that she did things that mattered. She had priorities, she had spunk, and she worked hard. She lived GOOD. And now in these last days, she still has a sparkle in her eyes and smile on her lips, and she lives for these moments. She's always taught me a lot throughout my life, but in these last days, she's teaching me more than I could have imagined all without her saying a word. Live simply. Live for the moments. Love God and serve Him.
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