It always amazes me the "talk" you hear in December. "Are you all ready for Christmas?" over and over you hear that question. Then, crazy 'ol me was blunt enough to admit that I wasn't feeling the Christmas spirit early in the season, and the response was amazing! Some agreed but others acted as if it was the craziest thing they had ever heard that I wouldn't "feel" like Christmas.
Our uniqueness as people makes how we interpret our feelings towards anything, including Christmas, different from person to person. This year, I was longing for the giddy feeling of a 5 year old at Christmas, but it was no where to be found in my heart. I've settled into the realization that as much as I love tradition, not every year can be exactly the same as the year before. We try new things, establish new traditions, and learn to "make do" with what works for us now in this particular situation and in so doing, we create the beautiful things called memories.
The truth is Christmas comes whether we are ready or not. All of those things that I always thought I had to have perfect, I downsized to the things that I wanted to do and just make everything "good enough"! I decided against putting up outdoor decorations, but opted for getting a real tree and baking LOTS of cookies, because those are the things that made my heart fill with Christmas joy. There were no special "Christmas outfits" for the kids, but that's something I can forgo; but letting them cut out and ice sugar cookies was not something that could be taken off the "must do" list.
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this issue of the Christmas spirit the last week.There are times and years that Christmas comes in the midst of difficult times - sickness, tragedies, and death pay no mind to the date on the calendar. But, Christmas is a condition of the heart, not something that we can find in the store or prepare for by doing a list of meaningless tasks to create some sort of spirit that is magical. Christmas is about the most precious gift that humanity was ever given - the gift of redemption by our Savior Jesus Christ.
I have come to realize that my heart is filled with the joy of Christmas, but even so, part of it is saddened as I realize that this is probably my last Christmas with my Grandma. Another part of my heart is saddened as I think of those heartbroken moms, dads, sisters, brothers, sons, and daughters in Connecticut celebrating their Christmas with unopened gifts beneath their tree. I have the joy of little ones to celebrate and be excited, but with that joy comes the truth that those in Connecticut do not. A mixture of happy and sad, being prayerful for those grieving and remembering that the only reason that Christmas has meaning is because my Redeemer has come into this world to save sinners.
As our culture makes it seem as though we must paste on a happy smile and jump around like a bunch of jolly elves, I, instead, have made a choice to be REAL. The REAL truth is that this Christmas is bittersweet. Good memories will be made - like our angel-less tree standing in the living room because neither of the older children could stop bickering enough to get the opportunity to put the angel on. (Some day I'm going to laugh about this, although it may not be today!) Decorating Grandma's living room with her beautiful nativity and watching Easton "baa" at the sheep. And, I'm sure there will be more memories to make over the next several days. But, I'm also equally sure there will be tears to come too. Unlike the commercialized Christmas that our society advertises. . .Christmas cannot be made perfect with a store-bought gift, perfectly made photo cards, or matching Christmas pajamas. God came down at Christmas to meet us where we are, and I find amazing comfort in the fact that the persons that got to meet him first were shepherds. . the farmers of that day, and what they heard that night still rings true today: "Behold, I bring you tiding of great JOY which shall be to ALL people. Unto you this day is born a Savior who is Christ the Lord."
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